Tuesday, September 23, 2008

You're going to be right

I guess you're right
Originally uploaded by PatruzZRocK

No matter what. You're going to be right because your selective perception is going to provide the information that supports your point of view. Take the current state of the political campaigns - do you read the columnists or listen to the speakers with whom you disagree? Or do you filter your incoming information so that you can gain additional ammo to use to support your point of view when facing-off with someone with the opposing perspective? My bet is that you do the intentional filtering.

Where other people are concerned you're going to watch for behavior that reinforces your attitudes. If you expect that they're going to have sneaky motives you'll see those sneaky motives in what they do. If you think it's a world plot with you as the target you'll see that too.

Funny thing is that the other person is also going to be right, so don't count on swinging them around to your point of view. They are using the same choosy methods of collecting evidence that you are, ones that will support their world view.

Even about yourself you're going to be right. Here you have the advantage of choosing (consciously or subconsciously) the behavior that supports your attitudes. If you do not consciously choose your behavior you'll support the self-image that has been conditioned into you. You'll act like the fat kid, the klutz, the space cowgirl, the nerd, the victim, etc. and you'll reap the harvest of your actions.

So are we at an impasse, hopelessly locked into internal and external conflict? Our need to be right is really strong, sometimes even overpowering our need to be connected, or to be confident, or to be competent.

What would happen if you would consciously choose what you want to be right about? Would you attract better relationships if you'd choose to see positive evidence of them around you? Is it possible that that horse's patoot that you have to deal with actually has some other dimensions that you could see if you wanted to be right about the fact that they have redeeming qualities?

What if you would simply choose to be right in the belief that there are many ways to look at any issue? If you were less attached to your current opinions, to your current way of doing things, what might be possible? Perhaps there isn't one definitive "right," but only a direction relative wherever you're standing in this moment.


Jeff said...

Here's another tack:


I mean . . . drop that altogether. No one really cares how smart you are; only how good you are FOR them . . . and they decide that on their own, not because you've shown them you are "right"..

Jeff Yablon
President & CEO
Virtual VIP

Julie Poland, certified business coach said...

Jeff -

I hear what you're saying about "Don't worry about being right." It's best not to get too attached to an idea or a point of view.

What I'm talking about here is that we filter in information that supports our pre-existing attitudes and filter out information that conflicts.

This kind of being right might not even show up in conversation - rather, it's something that's internal. When your point of view has been proven, like "see, I told you they don't like me," there's a bit of inner satisfaction even though the situation itself isn't positive.